I called the vet this AM about putting Lucy down. Lucy’s diabetes has really emaciated her, she’s weak, eats in spurts and while she hasn’t totally lost control of her bodily functions it’s apparent that she can’t wait much beyond feeling the urge. When we last chatted with vet she said we would know when it was time. We think now is the time.
There’s no quality of life for her. She’s so thirsty all the time and there is no activity beyond eating and bodily needs. She rests wherever she is at and doesn’t move too much. At times even eating is tiring for her. I don’t think she’s in pain, but it’s clearly not comfortable being her right now.
I though I was over the feelings of loss, but I guess not. I tear up every time I think about her not being around any more. She’s been such a part of our lives these last 10 years and although we have Moe, he’s just not the same. Lucy’s seen Hannah grow up from age 5 to be a young lady now. Grant’s now a man and I don’t know how he’ll take the loss as Lucy’s been his constant companion – sleeping on his bed, hanging out with him, playing with him and offering comfort at times. I know this is hard on Yvette and I – we’ve never had to make this decision before. Morgan, our prior Boston, developed cancer and was gone before we could really say good-bye. This is way, way different.
In some respects I thing we all want Lucy to die at home so we wouldn’t have to make the decision. But I don’t think we can wait any longer. It’s painful to see her in the condition she’s in and I know it can’t be pleasant for her.
I don’t think I’ll keep the cremation ashes or be around for the final good-bye when she finally passes from this world and goes to wherever beloved pets go. I know that’s not in her consciousness but it’s in mine. I only wish the journey to be peaceful and not full of fear or pain. She will be missed – the hole in the fabric of the family will remain open for a time I suspect.
